WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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