i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
