the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
