FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize