Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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