Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
