Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
