I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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