I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
