If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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