me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
A+ Viking dick
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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