Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
