i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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