Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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