Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
