the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
