Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
