I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
