2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
