I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
