she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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