she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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