I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
what is it with giant penises always finding me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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