Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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