Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
