the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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