Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All I want is dick and wine.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
