Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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