I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
