About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
