i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize