her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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