did you get engaged???
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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