my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
