Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
