Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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