broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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