so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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