Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
