what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
