How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my liver is dry heaving
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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