I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
