At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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