I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
