Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
