8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
