Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
