The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
