Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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