You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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