I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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