he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
