I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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