He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
