I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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