i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
