no, he came in my armpit
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
