I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
