no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
