'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
