If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
