I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
