i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
