I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She needs sedatives and a leash
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
