i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
