I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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