He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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