Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
