I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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