She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
