Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
