um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
