I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
