You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
