Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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