i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
