Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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