We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can tuck mytits in my pants
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize