You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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