**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
