people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
