all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
